December 8th 2005 is my clean date. Not my first clean date, but my most important one because that is what I have now.
I got into the program the first time on January 22, 1985 in A.A.. It changed my whole life for the better. I had been drinking 24 hours a day and using drugs for years and was isolated and depressed. I was 36 years old and miserable. After about 6 years sober, I got into a relationship with someone who just kind of moved in. That was the way I had always formed relationships when I was drinking and using. I would sleep with someone once and if they stayed oh well. This time I was clean and sober and I did not want to be in the relationship. Instead of saying that, I turned my back on myself. My AA medallion said "To thine own self be true", I should have taken that advice. That was the beginning of the end for me.
Although I didn't full-blown relapse until Feb. of 1997, I was really relapsed in 1991. I started taking Xanax, provided by my partner. I accept full responsibility for my relapse, but I can see how the Xanax was self serving for her, because I wasn't really clean anymore. I began to compromise the principles of the program. I was so unhappy with myself that it manifested in my life as vindictiveness and resentment towards others. I did things that I would never do if I was living the program. I stayed in the relationship and stayed miserable until 2000. I hadn't been in meetings in 3 and a half years and took large quantities of prescription pain meds. I never picked up alcohol again, thank God.
The relationship ended in June (finally) and I was in AA meetings in July. I quit the pills shortly after and got 3 and half years before relapsing again. This time it was also from being in a relationship, this time with someone who smoked/sold weed. I didn't really like her much either. At this point I sound like a total idiot. Yep, I pretty much was. I extricated myself from her and drugs Dec. 8th 2005. I have been hyper -vigilant to make sure I don't take anything stronger than Ibuprofen since then. I attend meetings regularly and all of my friends are in recovery. I have a great sponsor who also has a sponsor. I work the steps and I work with others. i have service commitments and can be counted on to show up for them. I have a loving higher power that guides me through each day effortlessly. I have a beautiful life. And oh yeah, I am single.
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