Walking around the rooms of meetings in many places, I've heard "experts" on everything from sex, psychiatry, relationships, growing plants, you name it and they all offer advice to someone to insure their ability to stay clean and sober. 

Just to add a couple pepper kernels in the salt shaker of life, I got my sobriety "between the sheets". Yes, I said it. If I had not been 13th Stepped, I don't know if I would of made it.

Sure, the old timer caught a lot of hell. We all know what young sex is so I don't need to go there today. I have over 29 years - in part thanks to the forbidden 13th step. I needed a protector. I found one within my first 60 days. Thank goodness we both made it out of that relationship alive.

Personally, I would hope not to get involved with someone new to recovery. Unless we speak the same language, its simply too much work.

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Recent discussion with a couple of sponsees caused me to reflect on perceptions and reality. My inside and outside appearance. No one knows what I am thinking unless I open my mouth. Restraint of tongue and pen was among my first lessons.

Despite my head feeling like it would blow off, I learned not to go around enlisting team support for feelings of hurt, anger,  self pity, sympathy,  raw need, whatever. Not to spread the "joy" so to speak all over the place. Thus these feelings bottled up inside me without alcohol to dull them making me very uncomfortable. Exactly what my sponsor intended I'm sure. 

Working the AA steps became a crucial part of decreasing the pain and feeling better since I no longer had alcohol to "take me away". The steps in Al-Anon helped identify behaviors and particular thinking twists that led to the set up of such feelings in the first place. By being responsible for my recovery in both program, it is easier to maintain emotional sobriety.

Now, when a sponsee ask me, "how do I go through   xyz   gracefully" I can honestly repeat my sponsors advice - quietly walk through it. No one need know what we think. My thinking can change by my actions. My responsibility is to take the positive action not the old behavior such as;   the game of  getting others to "feel for me". 

Today my petty thinking passes through me so quickly I can only be amused at how much practice have had at letting it go.

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..."we commence to outgrow fear". bb, pg 68

In Saturday's meeting we read a quote about "pain being the touchstone of all spiritual growth" and then I took a big breath in and held it. I disagree. I don't believe its necessary. 

Pain in sobriety is going to happen and it is survivable. BTDT. I know the pain that comes without life's edge being dulled by drugs, alcohol, sex, food, whatever - just raw. Sure, eventually I  learned something but hell I had to survive first; there must be a better way I kept thinking.

After the guy read,  I thought, "I think not. No thank you. Pain is a deadly game."  Today my biggest growth comes in embracing the good, being loved and allowing it; stepping into my life with joy and without fear. Its not easy; however, it is worth it.

Life full flavor is work. Its just not natural for me to face life without something to blur the edges. However, most days, nights, and week-ends I don't want to miss a thing. There is so much to appreciate, see and experience that I need all my senses intact just to face my joy. Walking into the beauty of life and through love is  huge growth both of emotional sobriety and courage. No pain required.

When fear comes, I look at it and let it go so fast you'd think I was holding dog poop.  Pain/fear eeewwww, again I say, "no thank you. I don't require pain to grow and it sucks". Instead, perhaps I'll look at this day and see what I can do to bring myself and my dog Sarah joy.

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