Hi all, This morning I was just checking the recovery sites I've joined. (I've Joined a few after the warm reception and support I received here) and looking through messages. When lo and behold I stumbled upon one from a young girl, who said after checking my profile that she was looking for " love and protection" also she would love to hear from my to exchange pictures and more about herself ( no I am not naive ) , I was shall we say surprised, of course this was instantly an ego boost, it was also disturbing, and instantly brought up a lot of stuff. Of course my male ego was flattered, however there was a private email attached. Initially my first response after settling down the ego was to just ignore this. However after contemplation and a cigarette, I decided to answer this poor young woman. I know your all thinking -You sorry sic S.O.B.- hear me out.  This is what I replied

                    "     I am deeply Honored and Flattered by you message. As you probably already know, most of us come to recovery alone and somewhat unsure of what to expect so a little frightened as well we all come in "damaged" by what we have done to ourselves and what has been done to us by others, some more than others we have all come here via different paths. As such, the majority of us come here with low self esteem or as I like to say "ego maniacs with an inferiority  complex".  We all want to be wanted and feel needed, But mostly we all crave to loved and be part of. This is why after the fist step were we admit to our inner most selves, that we need help. There is step 2 and 3 where I can find support ,love and protection without compare and that is with a Higher power of our own understanding. Yet we all crave that Human element the touch of another human being that cares and loves us. However I can not truly experience this in its purest form and reciprocate until I truly learn to love and forgive myself. It worries me that a Beautiful young woman as yourself would look for this intimate connection where you have. You really have no idea who or what I am by an online profile. You have allowed yourself to be in a very vulnerable place where someone could take full advantage of you and cause much pain and hurt . I strongly advise you to seek your need for love and protection in a GOD of your understanding, and Find a WOMAN sponsor, to guide you through some healing that the may find Love and Healing that you deserve. Please do not take this as a rejection, for I am truly giving you honor and love with my response. Remember GOD does not make Garbage,"

                I am not so ego driven to believe that I was the only one contacted, so am also imploring other men not to succumb to the lure of temptation to reply to this poor young woman. Yes I am well aware this may be a ploy of another nature as mentioned I am not naive.

                This also brought up memories of my early recovery as well as memories all through recovery. Of the strong need in all of us to "feel wanted", to  "Feel Loved", to "be part of something larger than ourselves", " to be Validated as a desirable Human Being". especially in early recovery, once we got a few days under our belts and "think we know something" LOL anybody else remember this, or the times we are just felling vulnerable and lonely, I can recall going to my first Round-up (convention) and my sponsor telling me that he hopes "I get Lucky" I was kinda surprised and said thanks and so do I. to Which he laughs and replies you don't get it do you? To which I replied of course I do you think I'm a child. He say yes I do, in recovery "getting lucky at a convention means " GOING HOME ALONE". Your are not well enough yet for a relationship or to inflict your sickness on some poor undeserving woman. So if you really want recovery and perhaps down the road god willing a loving relationship you will go have a good time talk to people LISTEN to the Speakers Dance with all the woman you want BUT at the end of the night WE will go have coffee and I'll drive you home. To which he began to teach me how that first I needed to find love with a God of my understanding and then through the Wonder 12 step program find out who and what I really am then learn to love and forgive myself then and only then can I have a chance at a REAL relationship and not inflict my sickness on some poor unsuspecting woman.

 He further taught me and showed me how painful relationships in early recovery can really be. As well as of course me thinking that I was healthier than he thought and finding out for myself first hand because don't you know I found "HER" the special one the one meant for me , sent by my higher power, only for us to hurt each other, and not only once. Anybody else remember those.  Seriously though the pain and lessons are one thing, however I was blessed by my higher power not to relapse over any of these pains or my ex's to relapse, However I have seen it happen to many times and to the extent of DEATH, Sadly yes I have seen relationships in early recovery which caused so much pain that some have relapsed and DIED. The point being is that relationships especially in early recovery are a very serious matter. Not to be taken or entered into lightly.

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   Hi All , I just want to touch on "hitting Bottom" as it is mentioned in the literature, and bandied about the rooms all the time, You ask people about their respective bottoms, and most tell you about, prostituting themselves, jails, losing families, being broke, and on . this all may be part of their respective bottoms, However this is not the element that the oldtimers were talking about and/or trying to get across.

                                      What they are refering to is that point we get to where, nothing matters, when we feel hopeless, worthless, less than, where a gun in the mouth or a jump off a bridge, or just completely giving up is a serious consideration the place I call, "Alone, Lonely and wanting to Die" or what today cousellors and most health professionals would call "a little depression" you just need some medication and a shoulder or maybe some institutional living. It becomes the point that we are vulnerable and the EGO is disoriented and beaten, It is at this point that we can actually take the directions and Guidance  (suggestions) that the 12 Step Program provides. It is a this point that one can admit to his/her innermost self that there is a problem and they require help. It is at this point that we can SURRENDER to the wisdom of the 12 step program. Without this state how many of us will actually and utterly concede to our innermost selves the need for help, the need for a better way. How many of us will surrender to do what the program actually asks us to do. Without this is the main reason many of us relapse.

                                              We are ego maniacs with an inferiority complex, se believe we can do things for ourselves. That most people don't know what they're talking about, and that they just don't understand, If we only had, the money, the family, the white.picket fence, ETC. Or the old famous "I'm not hurting anyone". That place of denial and delusion. With out a Bottom we stay in those places. We need to hit bottom to begin recovery with a solid foundation

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