So i've been clean for five days now (very heavy heroin user.) and i'm finally starting to feel like myself again. i don't think i can describe how nice that feels. i can look in the mirror without being disgusted with myself. i'm no longer sick, thank God. this si the hardest part for me though. i've made it this far before and i'm fine as long as i stay locked in my house. it's when i go out that i have a problem. i start to get antsy and sweaty and the pain comes rolling back. and then i relapse. im seriously considering rehab. im gonna hold off and see if i can manage. this time quitting feels different. i feel different. stronger. i think i finally want to be clean. im gonna venture outside of my house today. meet with some old friends. pre addiction friends. maybe that'll help. im not sure if i should though. just writing about going out is getting me antsy. im already thinking of ways i can get my hands on my doc. im happy i found this site though. i know noone is going to be reading these but i think it'll help if i have something to look back on.

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