Hi my name is Char and I'm an addict. I have 2 beautiful children and I have been with my amazing husband for 12 yrs married for 4 years on Feb.29th. I have  a huge family with plenty of aunts,unks,and cousins as well as my mother and grandmother. They have been there for me whenever I have needed them. I am lucky for such a big and caring family, and I now know just how lucky I am. I was out there using for 6 years. For the first year my husband nor my family knew. After a while from hidding it from my husband I got him started too. I was sick of hidding it and if  he knew I could use whenever I wanted and I wouldn't be using alone. Till this day I feel guily about this, of course my husband says that I didn't start this horrible life for us but I know different. Well I have been sober now for 11months on the 27th {if i make it}. I have been in treatment for 19months, and I have been in AA/NA for 5months. While in treatment I got into trouble and so I got a nuge from a judge to go to AA/NA.  I am so thankful to that judge! I really want to do the program and I want to do it the right way. For the last few months I really thought I was doing something wrong. I have been praying and going to meetings, but I was still feeling awful about myself and being mean to the people I love. I go to meetings and see so many people so happy and have had this sprital experience that I want so bad. So I pray and pray, I talk to people at meetings, and I try really hard but I don't feel that sprital awakening. Well lastnight I went to a meeting and it was a lead meeting. I usually don't get into lead meetings that much, but lastnight was so different. It was a woman named Heidi leading. She was my age and really seemed nervos, so nervos she almost gave the lead to another woman. I am so glad that she did getup there and lead because she really touched me. The things she was saying was like she was talking about me! She said for the first year and half of being in the program she felt like she was on a dry drunk. That she would come and sit in the back and not ever comment on anything because she didnt think she was ready to comment, that she didnt have the right to comment yet. She said how she was still misrable, how she didnt like herself and was just so hateful to anyone around her. How she would pray to her higher power and felt like no one was listening. I feel all these things too, so much that I started to cry. Well then she went on to say after she got the sponcer and she worked the steps things started turnin arournd for her. She had to learn that she didnt mess up her life over night and it wasnt going to get better overnight either. She gave me hope lastnight and thats what I needed.