well,  here i am again and i'll try to finish this now.  once i got started working the steps, i kept letting ego get in my way... HP? why should i believe there is one...the one i grew up with and the one i walked out on when i started drinking were the same one, just had different ways about how i looked at them.  To this day i still think at times that i can control my life better than this power that is stronger and smarter than me.  At this point i can honestly say that my HP has had a hard headed egotistical know it all smart butt to deal with at times.  However as the years go by and my sobriety grows my times of egotistical outbursts get shorter.  Smart HP...lets me make an ass of myself so i can see that i am not the all knowing one that i used to be when i was drinking.  HP is good for me, i need this to stay clean and sober, clean because the alcohol is my drug of choice and sober because i am an alcoholic.  when i decided to make amends, I went back to my old stomping grounds and contacted a lot of my old friends who i now know were really just drinking buddies and made amends to all who would listen.  there were a few who didn't really want to see me again and let me know in no uncertain terms that i would not be welcome.  i apologized to my family, and caught my sis in a sober moment and apologized to her too.  my mom was the one that i felt i had hurt more than anyone but she told me that she knew i would be o.k. just waiting for the time to happen.  one of the things that i am proud of with my sobriety is that my dad and my momma saw me sober before they passed away...him in 1994 and her this past february.  Now to make amends to others, i decided that i would volunteer on the volunteer ambulance service in the town i moved to and still live in.  I stepped into that ambulance in Dec. 1989 and volunteered until the parish started their ambulance service in 1993 and went to work with them.  I am still working full time, teaching ems part time and am a member of 3 volunteer fire depts... My thinking on this was if i cannot make amends to those who I cannot reach for first one reason or another, then perhaps my service would help one of their family members, friends or whoever.  I fell in love with ems and hopefully will make my goal to retire in a little over a year.  HP made this happen, it was not of my doing alone.  Without my HP as I understand them, i would surely be wandering alone and lost in addiction if not dead already.  I would not have made the friends i have now nor would i have had the privilege of knowing others who have passed on, clean and sober.  The AA program NA program or just call them what they are... TWELVE STEPS TO FREEDOM FROM AN UNCONTROLLABLE ADDICTION.  It works if you work it, so if there are any folks who don't believe....try the suggestions of the 12 steps...when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I could ramble on and on but I feel that I have said enough for now.  Take care, be safe and sober and clean.  will catch ya later.  linda, aka tinkmed