Well thought I'd do a quick posting today on here...I usually do longer posts on my blog website. I just wanted to share with you all that I actually have one day sober, and have been sober so far today as well!!! I had the worst day yesterday that I've had in a long, long time. I cried and cried and fought with my boyfriend about his use and other things, they turned off our gas because I couldn't pay the bill, and I then really looked at how bad off I am financially....something I've ignored for the last few years because of my using. In the midst of all this I realized that I couldn't keep using or I was going to ruin not only my life, but others' lives that I love a lot. So I just didn't use yesterday...I mean I craved it bad at first, but as the day went on the cravings diminished. I felt better about myself, the fact that I resisted the urge to use because of all the bad things going on in my life...I'm proud that I learned to deal with my problems without using.
So I'm focusing only on today and not worrying about tomorrow and not dwelling on the past or what happened yesterday. I'm scared and I'm sad and depressed at times, but I know I have to do this and I have to do it now. People always talk about the "bottom(s)" they hit and I think I am at that point. I have realized that my life is out of control and unmanageable...I finally get what surrendering means, and I have surrendered myself to my higher power. Someone on here told me that there is only one thing that I have to change if I want to live a sober life, I asked what and he said "everything". And that is so true. I know now I have to change where I go, where I hang out, who I talk to, etc.....
That leads to the problem of my boyfriend's addiction issues...those are his issues and I've told him that. I've demanded that he be sober if he wants to see me and that I will no longer hang out with his friends because they all use. I told him when he's ready to begin his road to recovery, that I will be there for him 100% for support...and that I need his support now. But again I'm not worrying about what happens tomorrow, I'm focusing only on today and only on myself and my staying clean. I really just wish he would've been more honest about how much and often he used when I first met him...I'm not sure it would've made a difference as I was using as well, but we are both addicts and that could lead to a very volatile relationship, etc....oh well, what's done is done and I just have to move forward with MY life and I'll just see where things go, one day at a time :)
Thank you to the friends I have made on here and the advice given to me...it has helped me and I am grateful for that. Take care all.
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Dmobile215
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Using Mentally and When You Over Come the Problem (Never) We always as addicts must go through a time of understanding where we are in life you do this for you no one else because if you can not help yourself you can not help anyone else this is always something to remember the use of these toxins are deadly rather its deadly to you or causing harm to someone else can lead to a deadly situation drugs in America is out of control, I am going to say it again really out of control today I read a story about how the police in my local area are taking drugs from the dealers and reselling it on the streets. This is insane behavior who would think we look to police in our country to save us but its our higher power that gets us through the day> Another day clean is a another day to give it up to your god and most high, we can become high off life and enjoy it I have the time to get some happiness with seeing my god son who I knew to myself if I am using I would have never made it there and got the chance to talk with him and see how much he grew up we talked about Sponge Bob and Scooby Doo.. I am grown and I had a good laugh and we just talked and really got to have a fun conversation I miss the things I use to do and this is what will help me telling you that we have to continue to do the normal things in life. Make our life as regular as the next person. Say no and keep moving on with our lives making a thought to use is a time of saying WTF is wrong with you its that devil talking and you got to keep him silent because he does not care about your family or friends and most important you, yourself. Hey I am glad that the most high gave me some time to see what I have missed.. Thanks for reading my work and I am thankful to have a clear mind because we know what we are using its never a good day its just drama and nothing positive. Dmobile215 Philadelphia |
