Well I relapsed on Friday yet again.  It would've been 5 days clean, but I put myself into a situation that I knew I shouldn't have been in and smoked some weed.  I was really hard on myself and was really down.  But then I thought about it and calmed down a bit and realized there was nothing I could do about it now.  Tomorrow would come and I would focus only on that day, Saturday.  So Saturday came, I got up and kept myself busy by cleaning the entire house, did some laundry and then got ready for my usual camping trip for Saturday night.  I didn't dwell on Friday, but focused only on the day and was sober for the day.  I was sober Sunday as well.  It's Monday, back at work, and I have been sober all day, focusing only on today...so three days sober!  I still have about four hours of work, then I go home, eat dinner and spend time with the kids, so the rest of the day should go by with no problem!  I feel better about myself in general when I don't use...and I'm proud of myself, even if it is only three days, that's still three days that I didn't use.

I haven't been feeling well, I think the heat here is getting to me.  It has been hot for over a month now--about 100 degrees everyday and 105-115 heat index with the humidity!  It is so awful...I miss California!  You step outside and instantly are sweating and after like two minutes your clothes are sticking to you and it looks like you have taken a shower...ugh!!!  Life pretty much has been sucking for me lately...nothing is going right.  So I've had a lot of cravings to use lately, but have resisted them (except for the Friday relapse), which is a big accomplishment for me.  Because the first thing I'm used to doing when things get bad is use, and things can't get any worse for me right  now,  literally!!  Will write about it tomorrow...work calls right now.  Hope everyone else is having a good day!