Well I have made it a little over 30 days clean now...I can hardly believe it!  I'm feeling pretty good in general, but I still have my days when I am really down and depressed...but I'm sure that's normal this early in recovery, so I just keep an optimistic outlook and know that it will get better every day.  Plus I'm thankful for having such a great psych doc that specializes in addiction...my medicine regime is working pretty good for me.  I look like a walking pharmacy half the time, but hey, I figure if it's helping me and making me feel better, then oh well!!  I'm all for being medicated if it works for me...I know others don't like going that route when getting sober, which I can understand why, but everyone is different and it's each individual's choice, so I never judge others' decisions when it comes to that.  In fact I get very irritated at people on sites like this that are judgmental about medication, or vice versa, saying sometimes mean and awful things to others about their choice.  That does no good for anyone and I think if you can't say anything nice or helpful or supportive to others, then you shouldn't say it...it's just simply treating others the way you would want to be treated.
I had a lazy weekend, didn't do anything but sleep and laundry!  I think I mentioned that I've been breaking out in hives because of all the stress in my life...well I think I may finally have them under control with the help, of yes, more medications!  The itching is sooo bad sometimes, that I'd rather be in pain than itching!  And there is no obvious cause of them except for stress, so I'm trying to relax more, but the stupid things still pop even when relaxed!  The first doc I saw gave me a course of prednisone and atarax which seemed to work pretty good, along with taking my xanax...but as soon as I stopped the steroids and atarax, they were back even worse and I was constantly itching...ughhhh....and benadryl around the clock is no help either!  So now I'm on more steroids, a steroid cream, a strong antihistamine and have been using nothing but Aveeno oatmeal soap and lotion...doing a lot better, thank god!
So today I'm feeling better about our financial situation.  My husband lost his civilian job last year at one point, so we had missed one house payment, which we had yet to make up this year.  So guess what??  The stupid mortgage company puts our loan into foreclosure, setting the sale date for this week!  Apparently mortgage companies legally can foreclose with only one missed payment...so beware of MetLife Home Loans (that is our lender)!  Since foreclosure in Missouri is non-judicial, there was not much we could do because the courts are not involved, thus no judge to go with motions, etc.  Plus we have a good amount of debt (mostly thanks to my addiction and bipolar disease)...so the only thing we could really do was file a Chapter 13 bankruptcy :(  So I got that filed last night and we get to keep our house!  Plus we make only one payment on all our credit card debt, cars, etc. to the court each month and will be debt free in four years...so I guess it didn't turn out too bad.  Makes it easier for me because I am the worst person in the world when it comes to paying bills on time because we had so many...plus being ADHD makes it even worse for me!  I'm still ticked off at MetLife though...I wish we had grounds to sue on (which I think we might with my soon to be ex-husband being in the active military and he is deployed all of August, when the foreclosure was going to happen)...so I may research it a bit because I would hate for this to happen to other people that are really trying and getting screwed.  It's really not fair at all.
Well, guess it's back to work for me :(  I just don't feel like being here at all this week.  I wish I could take a vacation, but no money!  I think I might go home early though...find something to do.  Hope everyone out there is doing well and working the steps!!  Take care all.....