Today I am grateful for all of you. We come together with a common problem and work toward a common solution. The only way this common solution works is if we do this together. Please let me know if there is anyway I can be of help (service) to you today.

MES

Clearing the Slate
One of the greatest gifts we can give is an open, loving heart. And holding on to negative feelings from past relationships is our greatest barrier to that gift.
Most of us have had relationships that have ended. When we examine these relationships, we need to clear the emotional slate. Are we holding on to anger or resentments? Are we still feeling victimized? Are we living with the self-defeating beliefs that may be attached to these relationships - Women can't be trusted.... Bosses use people.... There is no such thing as a good relationship....
Let go of all that may be blocking your relationships today. With great certainty, we can know that old feelings and self-defeating beliefs will block us today from giving and getting the love we desire. We can clear the slate of the past. It begins with awareness, honesty, and openness. The process is complete when we reach a state of acceptance and peace toward all from our past.

Today, I will begin the process of letting go of all self-defeating feelings and beliefs connected to past relationships. I will clear my slate so I am free to love and be loved.

The Language of Letting Go

January 20th

New Beginnings
Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving others and ourselves. Resentments do not punish the other person; they punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. They prevent us from being in harmony with the world. Resentments are hardened chunks of anger. They loosen up and dissolve with forgiveness and letting go.
Letting go of resentments does not mean we allow the other person to do anything to us that he or she wants. It means we accept what happened in the past, and we set boundaries for the future. We can let go of resentments and still have boundaries.
We try to see the good in the person or the good that ultimately evolved from whatever incident we feel resentful about. We try to see our part.
Then we put the incident to rest.
Praying for those we resent helps. Asking God to take our resentments from us helps too.
What better way to begin a New Year than by cleaning the slate of the past, and entering this one free of resentments.
Higher Power, help me become ready to let go of my resentments. Bring any resentment that is hidden within me, and blocking me, to the surface. Show me what I need to do to take care of my self by letting go of resentments, and then help me do that.

I am so grateful that god continually restore me to sanity. My insanity manifest itself in so many different ways (despite being sober for over 3 years). With each and every day more is revealed to me. This illness is so cunning, baffling, and powerful. I am grateful that I haven't given up on god and god hasn't given up on me. I am so grateful that this power greater than myself knows what its doing because I have no idea. If it were up to me nothing would ever change but I pray for gods will to be done in my life everyday.  Although sometimes this process is very painful, with each "layer of the onion" being peeled, I get to grow (as long as I'm teachable).  Above all things I am glad to be a part of something bigger than myself. 

M.E.S

    If there is one things that I've learned in 2011 it is how truly powerless I am. Step one is a beautiful step:We conceded to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, we admit that we have an illness, and that our lives are unmanageable because of us.... because of our perceptions, expectations, and defects of character. It is stated that this is not only true during our drinking and/or using days but also all throughout our journey of sobriety. How can this be? We have a disease that is centered in the mind. Our drinking and/or using is a symptom of a much greater problem.  The following is an excerpt from page 60 in the big book of alcoholics anonymous:

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (c) That God could and would if He were sought.

     "and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas." I'm sure most of us don't catch that during the reading. Just because we get sober does not mean we get well. That takes action and more action. Of course, referring to the excerpt, b & c touch on more than just step one but each of the 12 steps play a huge role in being able to walk through life sober. Being able to live life on life's terms. This past week has been one of the most emotionally excruciating time in my sobriety. I honestly did not know what to do... I did what I have been taught and found that to no fault of my own sometimes life just happens. It seems so simple to most people but not so for the alcoholic. For with emotional pain comes insanity.. the constant racing of thoughts and the loss of control over them. Once my insanity had adjusted itself well my alcoholism kicked in... and man the more time I stay sober the more I realize how cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease really is. My best idea at one point was to take a handful of pills and sleep through the pain. Luckily, that was not the case.

     What actually did happen was this: I sought comfort in my fellowship. I became rigorously honest (over and over again) with those who were close enough to me and some who weren't. I cried for days and days. I called my sponsor who directed me to do some writing and pray for acceptance.  I continued to go to meetings, show up to my commitments, and be of service. Bottom line is- I just didn't drink, use, or hurt myself or others no matter what. I owe it all to a foundation that has been built a little at a time by taking suggestion from others. I can tell you that today I am still hurt, angry, and sad but I am also still sober. My friends and fellowship told me it would pass and slowly but surely it is. God is working in my life and I have faith through experience in that. Things do not always work out the way I want them to but they almost always work out the way they are supposed to. I just need to get out of gods way. 

Megan