I think i've finally made a break through - a small light at the end of tunnel .  HOW - WHY ? .... well ok ive not found a cure , addiction free or far from normal come to think of it .. I have found 12 STEP RECOVERY .. i have been searching online for help for my addictions  yes addictions .. ok mine may not be up there in the top 3 or are they ? ..  my addictions are never taken seriously infact ever .. Doctors think im joking , they are NO HELP , my mental health doctors are pretty much the same or worse ... you see i started smoking cigarettes at the age of 13 maybe .. and ive been smoking since .. im now 34 - yes ok thats a normal thing you may think .. and i would agree .. But it got worse .. i tried giving up using NICOTINE REPLACEMENT THERAPY VIA PATCH ... niquiten cq to be exact and yes the 21mg ..  it sort of worked all of 3 weeks ... i followed the steps right down to giving up altogether for approximately 2 weeks then everything went crazy and i began smoking again ! .. anyway to cut a very long drawn out BORING story short ive tried time and time again to give up using the patch , inhalator, etc etc resulting in tears of frustration .. over the past 5 years ive got myself in a little bit of a mess ... im smoking yet at night to sleep i have to wear a nicotine patch .. YES thats right .. you see when i smoke and not wear one im up on the hour every hour like a baby for a bottle .. my addiction is that bad !.. and i find myself struggling to do even the basic things .. my life really has been taken over by my addiction and boy is it expensive ! .. patches PLUS cigs !.. VERY EXPENSIVE ! ..

I have been to smoking groups if they have the front to call themselves that at all .. you see id go there for advice .. desperate for help .. and id find myself not being taken seriously .. sometimes they would blame my mental health , other times they would  simply laugh , i have lost faith in my doctors and stop smoking places and this is why im searching for something different ..
i mentioned MENTAL HEALTH .. yes i have always been a sufferer of mental health problems .. ive since been diagnosed with anxiety disorder , depression , depersonalisation and derealisation , and borderline personality disorder .. which DOES NOT help matters one bit .. if anything it makes life a hell of a lot worse ..
im so frustrated .. at the end of my tether .. even contemplating suicide .. its getting me down BADLY ..
SO HERE I AM - 12 STEPS BRING IT ON !

A VERY FRUSTRATED LISA X