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January 2 | AA 12 Steps In Action |
Daily reflections 2012: Just or today focuses on first, the foundation "is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning." I guess for me the first thing is to find out what is a spiritual awakening. And each of us comes to understand what spiritual is for ourselves. One man's spiritual awakening is the very end of spiritual for another. Indeed we will never agree on what spiritual is. But my spiritual is this, the ability to cope with reality. Simply to cope with what is going on now, good or bad, sad or joyful, loving or hateful. If it's happening now, it is spiritual.
Spiritual awakening, becomes spiritual oblivion the moment I cannot cope and resort to finding some way to fix my feelings. And if I am trying to control my feelings, I am suppressing something which I either don't like don't want or don't care to agree or admit to. Waking up with a clear head, knowing I can cope is truly a spiritual awakening and I can have one every morning contingent on not drinking and not trying to fix anything.
What on earth did I think spiritual life was? Somebody telling me how to live and improve my spiritual outlook, my spiritual depth, have a deeper consciousness of reality? In the end it is very simple, as long as we are not trying to be more spiritual than the next person, know better than the next person, think we are superior to the next person we are probably seeing the truth of now. Our Fellowship, an emotional and spiritual society learning how to live in the moment and experience life and reality as it is, not as we might wish it, or expect reality to be. The good news, we find truth, the bad news we find truth. Truth is neither good nor bad it is how we see it, not as might wish it or expect it. Simply the truth of how it is.
So a gentle reminder this morning to myself, step one powerless over alcohol and people and places and things will ensure that if I don't try to be powerful I will retain my sanity. Step two, my sanity is contingent on the day and asking for help when I don't know and not trying to provide answers when I don't even know what the question is. And step three, let go knowing the answers, often letting go not knowing what the questions are. And getting on with what needs to be done, if I know what needs to be done and I can't do on my own ask for help...
God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. And always remind myself that whatever is going on it is only going to be the today. Expectations are resentments under construction. I haven't done anything to deserve anything, no matter how I might feel I'm the same as everyone and if we are truthful we ought to be in the same boat, a lifeboat...