I am a grateful recovering addict who has "fought" to work ( a real job), ever since I got clean due to the "wreckage of my past" and a very long criminal history. I was able ( by God's Grace), to be employed by a Temp Service for approximately 4 plus years. That particular Temp Service ONLY dealt with jobs for the State of Iowa. Due to the fact that I AM in Recovery now, I really wanted to work, so my work ethic was VERY good ( again, by God's Grace), I was "hired" 3 times by 3 different State Agencies, however once they looked in my "criminal closet", I was promptly escorted OFF the property, everyone in tears.... the last time that happened to me... I'd decided to use that night... PERIOD!! Dam, wouldn't ya know, my sponsor calls that afternoon to see if I'd pick up her daughter @ school & meet her @ the mtg that nite.... ok... I'd use AFTER the mtg... during the mtg, I even spoke on my "desperation" on NOT getting hired... and left the mtg in a hurry, cuz I didn't want anyone to hug me or to tell me "it's gonna be ok"... cuz it WASN'T OK.... damit... when I got in the car, the radio was set to "Christian" Music & I sure as hell wasn't in the mood for that, so I pushed in the cassette tape that was sticking out of the player.... ( THANK YOU GOD...) what I heard was a Speaker from Chicago saying... " I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE GOING THRU...DON'T USE, DON'T GIVE UP...AND DON'T LEAVE 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS!!!"... I said huh???? rewound that section and listened to it again and again and Again... until I looked up in the sky and said... "OK, I hear you God....I won't use tonite!!!" and hence the feeling of desperation left and I haven't used since the day I checked into treatment on 11/03/2004..ONLY....BY GOD'S GRACE & THAT SPEAKER TAPE!!! ILS, an addict from Iowa