Recent discussion with a couple of sponsees caused me to reflect on perceptions and reality. My inside and outside appearance. No one knows what I am thinking unless I open my mouth. Restraint of tongue and pen was among my first lessons.

Despite my head feeling like it would blow off, I learned not to go around enlisting team support for feelings of hurt, anger,  self pity, sympathy,  raw need, whatever. Not to spread the "joy" so to speak all over the place. Thus these feelings bottled up inside me without alcohol to dull them making me very uncomfortable. Exactly what my sponsor intended I'm sure. 

Working the AA steps became a crucial part of decreasing the pain and feeling better since I no longer had alcohol to "take me away". The steps in Al-Anon helped identify behaviors and particular thinking twists that led to the set up of such feelings in the first place. By being responsible for my recovery in both program, it is easier to maintain emotional sobriety.

Now, when a sponsee ask me, "how do I go through   xyz   gracefully" I can honestly repeat my sponsors advice - quietly walk through it. No one need know what we think. My thinking can change by my actions. My responsibility is to take the positive action not the old behavior such as;   the game of  getting others to "feel for me". 

Today my petty thinking passes through me so quickly I can only be amused at how much practice have had at letting it go.

 

 

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