I had a few days recovery under my belt and was so excited that I was able to humble myself for once and actually accept the program, worked the steps and then without like a warning, my addiction took over. In an instant I found myself in like a robotic mode and at my friends using. I was not thinking, just did it. It was the strangest thing. I realized I am very sick and just hate accepting that. I hoped this was something that maybe with a little counceling and understanding of why I use I would be able to overcome and move on. Now I see its much serious. When I was in my early 20's I knew that I had a problem but I refused to acept it because I never hit such a bottom. Now ten years later and all that wasted time along with more pain and hurt and more problems I now can humble myself enough to finally admit I have a problem. I am writting this so that anyone out there who questions the program, please know that if you are here you know that something is wrong. Do not wait until you have hit bottom to take in the program and really work it and change your life now before you have more regrets than you can handle, or even worse before you die. This problem does kill us, and we don't know when that will happen. As low as my life is now, I still think no, I won't die from this, but then again, my addiction only grows and I use more and more, so yes, eventually I will die. And why, when I could work the prgram and cahnge my life and be happy again. I messed up because I have not gone to a meeting and gotten a sponsor, still thinking that I can do some of the program by short cutting and do meetings online, I do not want a sponsor, because I will have to bear my inner most horrible thoughts and things I have done to them, so I wanted to work the steps but not share it. Now I know if I do not go through the program as many others who are sucessful have, it just will not work.
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Shawn
said:
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... The first step is admitting you are powerless over your addiction. It seems you heave come to that conclusion...May your higher power help you... |
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