“We had to have something different, and we thought we had found it in drugs.”
– Basic Text, page 13
Many of us, long before discovering drugs or even addiction, carried within us a sense of being different from others. It’s a feeling familiar to many addicts—the idea that something inside us was missing or incomplete. We searched for something to fill that void, to ease the discomfort of feeling out of place in the world. For a time, drugs seemed to offer the solution, but as addiction deepened, they quickly turned into the very source of our suffering. In recovery, we come to realize that the “something different” we were searching for was never drugs—it was a spiritual connection, a relationship with a Higher Power.
The Feeling of Being Different
For many addicts, the feeling of being different is a core part of our story. Even before we ever used drugs, we sensed a separation from others. Whether it was a sense of not belonging, feeling inadequate, or struggling to find our place in the world, the feeling of being different weighed heavily on our spirits. This internal discomfort fueled a lifelong search for something to fill the void, to make us feel whole and connected.
When we first discovered drugs, they seemed to offer a solution to this deep-seated discomfort. The momentary escape or euphoria that substances provided helped mask the emptiness. When we were high, we didn’t feel the overwhelming sense of being different or incomplete. Drugs offered temporary relief, and for a while, it seemed like we had found what we were searching for. But that relief was fleeting, and soon the drugs themselves became the source of our pain.
The Trap of Addiction
What initially felt like a solution quickly turned into the problem. Drugs may have numbed the emptiness we felt, but they couldn’t truly fill the void. Over time, as addiction took hold, the temporary relief drugs provided was overshadowed by the chaos and destruction they brought into our lives. The sense of feeling different didn’t go away—it only deepened as our addiction isolated us from friends, family, and ourselves.
Once we gave up the drugs, we were left facing the same emptiness we had always tried to avoid. In early recovery, this sense of longing can feel overwhelming. Without the numbing effect of substances, the emotional and spiritual void becomes painfully clear, and it can lead to feelings of despair. We may find ourselves asking, What now? What can fill this void?
A Spiritual Solution
In recovery, we discover that what we were truly searching for all along wasn’t found in drugs or any other external source. The “something different” we longed for is a spiritual connection—specifically, a relationship with a Higher Power. This is the true solution to the emptiness we’ve felt for so long.
The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous guide us toward this solution. As we work the steps, we begin to develop a relationship with a loving Higher Power, one that helps us heal the emotional and spiritual wounds we’ve carried throughout our lives. We come to understand that this connection is what we’ve been missing, and it is the key to finding peace, purpose, and belonging.
Our lifelong yearning was not for drugs but for something much deeper—a sense of spiritual fulfillment, an understanding of our place in the world, and a connection to something greater than ourselves. The NA program helps us build that connection, and through it, we begin to experience a sense of wholeness and acceptance that we never thought possible.
Working the Steps to Find “Something Different”
The process of recovery and the development of a relationship with a Higher Power do not happen overnight. It requires willingness, effort, and trust. As we begin to work the Twelve Steps, we slowly start to uncover the spiritual principles that can fill the void we’ve been carrying. Step by step, we learn to surrender, trust, and seek guidance from a Higher Power.
At first, we might feel unsure or skeptical. After all, we’ve spent much of our lives relying on ourselves (or on substances) to cope with life’s challenges. But as we continue working the steps, we begin to feel a shift within ourselves. The emptiness that once seemed so overwhelming begins to fade as we replace it with spiritual growth and connection.
This connection to a Higher Power isn’t about grand religious experiences or mystical awakenings; it’s about developing a sense of faith and trust in something greater than ourselves. We begin to experience peace, even in difficult times, because we know that we are no longer alone. Our relationship with a Higher Power becomes the “something different” we needed all along.
A New Life in Recovery
As we progress in recovery, we start to see how much our lives have changed. The void that once dominated our existence is now filled with a sense of purpose and connection. We are no longer searching for something external to make us feel complete. Instead, we find peace and fulfillment within, through our relationship with our Higher Power and the spiritual principles we practice.
This new life is one of balance, gratitude, and growth. We are no longer trapped in the cycle of addiction, seeking temporary relief from our pain. Instead, we are free to live fully, experiencing the joy of connection and the comfort of knowing we are part of something greater. We are no longer bound by the feeling of being different or incomplete; we are whole, and we are enough.