“Where there has been wrong, the program teaches us the spirit of forgiveness.”
– Basic Text, page 12
One of the most profound lessons we learn in recovery is the importance of forgiveness. As we begin to engage with the world around us in our journey through Narcotics Anonymous (NA), we inevitably face challenges in our relationships. Resentments can arise when we feel wronged, and these emotions, if left unchecked, can poison our recovery. The NA program teaches us how to let go of these resentments and embrace forgiveness, not just for others, but for our own peace and spiritual well-being.
When we first enter recovery, many of us feel isolated, disconnected from the people and world around us. In active addiction, we may have built walls to protect ourselves from pain, guilt, or shame, isolating us from meaningful human interaction. In recovery, we begin to tear down those walls and engage with life again. However, as we step back into the world, we find that this freedom from isolation comes at a price.
As we interact with others more frequently, misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts are inevitable. Someone will eventually step on our toes, whether intentionally or not. It is in these moments of hurt that resentments are born. These feelings of anger or betrayal may feel justified, but over time, they can become toxic if we allow them to fester. Resentments, whether large or small, can weigh us down, interfering with our emotional and spiritual growth.
As the Basic Text explains, “resentments, justified or not, are dangerous to our ongoing recovery.” Harboring these negative feelings creates bitterness, which only grows the longer we hold onto them. Resentments can cloud our judgment, fuel negative thinking, and eventually drive us back to destructive behaviors, including relapse.
Resentments are like poison, slowly consuming us from within. The longer we hold onto them, the more they distort our perspective. What may have started as a minor hurt can grow into a major source of bitterness, resentment, and anger. This internal negativity can create a vicious cycle, affecting our relationships, our emotional health, and our recovery.
When we hold onto resentments, we allow the wrongs of the past to dictate our present emotions. We may replay the situation in our minds, feeling the same anger or pain over and over again. This constant focus on the past prevents us from moving forward in our recovery. It keeps us trapped in a negative mindset, unable to experience the peace and serenity that comes with emotional freedom.
In recovery, we learn that holding onto resentments ultimately harms us far more than it affects the person we are resenting. The other person may be completely unaware of our feelings, while we continue to suffer emotionally. This realization is key to understanding why forgiveness is essential for our well-being and continued growth.
To stay clean and maintain our spiritual health, we must learn to let go of our resentments. Forgiveness is the antidote to bitterness. But how do we forgive, especially when the hurt feels so deep?
The capacity to forgive begins to develop as we work Steps Eight and Nine in the Twelve Step program. These steps guide us through the process of making amends and taking responsibility for our own actions, which naturally opens our hearts to the idea of forgiveness. In Step Eight, we make a list of those we have harmed, and in Step Nine, we make direct amends to those individuals where possible. Through this process, we begin to understand the importance of letting go of our own guilt and resentment.
Forgiveness, like recovery itself, is an ongoing practice. We keep this capacity alive by regularly working Step Ten, which encourages us to take daily personal inventory and promptly admit when we are wrong. This ongoing reflection helps us catch resentments as they arise, preventing them from taking root and growing into something more toxic.
Forgiveness is not just about letting go of anger; it is also about finding peace within ourselves. As we release our resentments, we create space for healing, both emotionally and spiritually. Forgiveness allows us to move forward without the weight of bitterness holding us back.
It’s also helpful to remember that we, too, may need forgiveness one day. As the Basic Text reminds us, “haven’t we all, at one time or another, done something that we deeply regretted?” There may come a time when we must ask for forgiveness from someone we have wronged, and in those moments, we hope to be met with understanding and grace. This recognition can make it easier to extend the same understanding to others.
When we forgive, we acknowledge that we are all human, that we all make mistakes, and that we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have. Forgiveness becomes an act of compassion, both for ourselves and for those who have wronged us. It frees us from the toxic grip of resentment and opens the door to peace, healing, and continued growth.
Forgiveness is not always easy. There will be times when we feel justified in our anger, when the hurt is so deep that letting go seems impossible. But in these moments, it helps to remember that forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. By forgiving others, we free ourselves from the emotional burden that resentments create.
It may also help to remember that everyone is struggling in their own way. People make mistakes, often without realizing the impact of their actions. When we approach life with this understanding, forgiveness becomes a little easier. We begin to see that we, too, are fallible, and that we all need grace from time to time.
By practicing forgiveness regularly, we keep our spirits clear and our hearts open. We create space for love, understanding, and connection, rather than bitterness and isolation. This is the spirit of recovery—one of healing, growth, and freedom from the burdens of the past.