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“We emphasize setting our house in order because it brings us relief.”
– Basic Text, page 93
In recovery, it’s tempting to focus on the flaws and actions of others as a way to avoid examining ourselves. While this can provide temporary distraction, real growth and relief come from looking inward. Setting our house in order—through self-reflection, accountability, and a commitment to spiritual principles—is a cornerstone of recovery. It allows us to move forward with clarity, healthier relationships, and inner peace.
To set our house in order means to focus on our own behavior, attitudes, and actions rather than being preoccupied with others. It’s about taking responsibility for our part in any conflict or situation, identifying patterns that no longer serve us, and making necessary amends.
The Twelve Steps provide a framework for this process. Steps Four and Ten, in particular, guide us in taking a personal inventory. Through honest self-examination, we uncover our defects of character, acknowledge our role in our problems, and begin to make changes. This process isn’t about blame or shame—it’s about self-awareness and growth.
By setting our house in order, we create a foundation of stability and integrity. This not only benefits us but also strengthens our relationships and enhances our recovery.
In active addiction, many of us avoided taking responsibility for our actions. We blamed others, made excuses, or ignored the consequences of our behavior. Recovery teaches us a different way.
When we have a problem with someone, we no longer focus solely on their actions. Instead, we take our own inventory to examine how we may have contributed to the situation. Did we act out of self-will, dishonesty, or resentment? Did we neglect to communicate clearly or fail to set boundaries? By identifying our part, we gain insight into how we can improve.
This doesn’t mean we excuse harmful behavior from others. But it does mean we focus on what we can control—our own thoughts, words, and actions.
A critical part of setting our house in order is making amends when we owe them. This is a humbling process that requires honesty, courage, and a willingness to repair harm. When we promptly acknowledge and correct our mistakes, we free ourselves from lingering guilt and resentment.
Daily inventory, as outlined in Step Ten, helps us avoid repeating the same mistakes. By reflecting on our actions each day, we can identify areas where we’ve strayed from spiritual principles and take corrective action. This practice keeps our house in order, preventing small issues from becoming larger problems.
Setting our house in order also involves surrendering self-will and seeking guidance from a Higher Power. In active addiction, many of us operated from a place of ego and self-centeredness, often causing harm to ourselves and others. In recovery, we turn our lives over to the care of a loving Higher Power, trusting that this Power will guide us toward decisions that serve the greater good.
When we let go of the need to control everything and trust in our Higher Power, we begin to experience a sense of relief and balance. This spiritual connection helps us approach life with humility, patience, and a desire to do what is right.
There’s a profound sense of peace that comes from setting our house in order. When we take responsibility for our actions, make amends, and live in alignment with spiritual principles, we free ourselves from the burdens of guilt, resentment, and chaos. Our relationships improve, and we begin to experience harmony with the world around us.
This process is not about achieving perfection but about progress. Each day, we have the opportunity to examine ourselves, learn from our mistakes, and take steps to grow. By committing to this practice, we create a life of integrity, connection, and recovery.